


rewind

by ujisae



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Dialogue Heavy, Light Angst, M/M, grandpa jihoon, past soonhoon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-07-01 01:19:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15763680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ujisae/pseuds/ujisae
Summary: In which Hyunjoon learns more about his grandfather, and his grandfather's past love.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello this was a rushed drabble?? oneshot??? after i suddenly thought abt this prompt. originally this was supposed to be somewhat a letters to juliet fic bUt the story swerved and now here it is HAHAHA i hope it's okay and enough aaaa please tell me what you think about it!!! (im @ujichen at twt!!)

“Soonyoung.”

 

After minutes of silence, an unfamiliar name was what Hyunjoon heard from his grandfather. He was asked to look after him by his parents _(“You know how your grandfather gets with his memory…”),_ and this was one of the few words he has muttered so far.

 

Hyunjoon was a quiet boy, yet observant. He wasn’t talkative, and would usually respond only when asked or when necessary. His parents think he got it from his grandfather, but he wasn’t even that close to him. He greets him when he leaves and comes home, serves him at the dining table, and keeps him company whenever he’s free, both just bathing in silence.

 

“Who’s Soonyoung, _harabeoji?_ ”

 

A smile graced the old man’s features. Wrinkles forming at the edges of his eyes that seemed to be smiling in joy as well. Hyunjoon was used to seeing his grandfather frowning, always with a stern look. He was used to him being a man of a few words, always looking afar, as if his eyes were waiting for something, or someone. The old man in front of him looked like a stranger. He got more curious who was this Soonyoung his grandfather was pertaining to.

 

“Kwon Soonyoung… Soonyoung’s a dancer. Soonyoung’s a friend of many. Soonyoung’s the guy who kept on bugging me every single day. Soonyoung’s my best friend,” a pause. “Soonyoung...” a smile. (Hyunjoon’s sure he was more than that.)

 

His grandfather invited him to sit down beside him, eager to tell him more about the mysterious Soonyoung. A wrinkled hand holds his, and smiling eyes turned to look at him, “Where do I start?”

 

“Wherever you want, _harabeoji._ ”

 

Then, Hyunjoon felt as he was being transported back in time, and the man in front of him was Lee Jihoon, decades younger.

 

“When I first met him in university, Soonyoung was a ball of sunshine. He always looked bright, so energetic, and as if there were flowers growing with every step he made. He had these slanted eyes that made him look like a clock, and cheeks that made him look like a hamster. When he danced, he’d look like a tiger. When we first met, he asked me, _‘Why do you look like as if the whole world picked a fight with you?’_ I said, ‘ _Why do you look so stupid?’_ I remember how he chuckled and ruffled my hair, _‘You’re cute.’_ Since then, he never left my side.” Hyunjoon saw his grandfather’s smile falter for a second, but quickly covered it with a cough.

 

“He showered me with… everything. Care, understanding, support, strength, and love. One thing I knew; we were best friends. Next thing I knew, he was the love of my life, and I, his. Hyunjoonie,” _he never heard that nickname from his grandfather,_ “I loved him so much. How I wish to turn back time.” He noticed tears lining the small eyes in front of him, so he squeezed the hand clasping his, letting his grandfather know he was there.

 

Jihoon chuckled, wiping the tears away, “You know, we had our whole lives planned out. We always talked about the future. How we’d own a house someday, somewhere peaceful and quiet as I liked it to be. How he’d let me choose whatever I want for our home, as long as I’d let him stay by my side forever. _That dork._ ”

 

“He’d tell me how excited he was to marry me, and then continue to smother me with kisses. He’d go into detail how he thought our future wedding would be, and every time he’d tell me about it the details would change. First, he’d tell me the colors would be pink and white. Then, he’d tell me it’d be blue and white instead. _Then_ , he’d tell me that _‘You know what Jihoonie? It’d be pink AND blue, instead.’_ He told me it was final, but next week he told me otherwise. _‘Why do the colors even matter, Hoonie? What’s important is we’re going to get married!’_ I wasn’t even the one bugging him about the colors! It was all himself!”

 

Silence.

 

“Then, what happened?”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Another silence.

 

“Suddenly, things fell apart. It was blurry, and it still is. There were tears, shouts, and more tears. I—” Jihoon suddenly winced in pain, his free hand suddenly supporting his head.

 

“Are you okay, _harabeoji?_ Do you need your medicine?”

 

“I’m okay, Hyunjoonie. Now, where was I?”

 

Hyunjoon hesitated, but replied, “How things fell apart.”

 

“Ah,” Jihoon cleared his throat. “As I said, it was blurry. We struggled, _I didn’t know what happened,_ but then Soonyoung was out of my life, and I didn’t know what to do. What were you supposed to do when the man you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with suddenly disappeared? I felt so helpless, so fucking empty.”

 

“I couldn’t find him then. Our friends refused to tell me where he was, and he was adamant to cut all communication off. I had no choice, I had to move on. But, Hyunjoon, tell me. Have I really?” He shook his head. His grandfather laughed.

 

“Then, I met your grandmother. She… I loved her, I really did. She was there when I was at my worst, and she knew about Soonyoung because I told her all about him. She did nothing but to give me endless care and support. When I asked her to marry me, it was so nonchalant, as if I was just asking her a favor. _‘Hey, will you marry me?’_ She replied, _‘Yeah, sure.’_ My parents were shocked when they knew, because they thought I’d never marry anyone who wasn’t Soonyoung. I guess they believed it as well, since they treated him as their second son.”

 

Hyunjoon only knew little about his grandmother, as she passed away when he was still a young child. From the stories his parents have told him, he knew she was caring and gentle. _‘Your grandmother loved your grandfather so much.’_ He never knew how selfless his grandmother also was.

 

“She deserved more than what I gave her. She deserved more than me. Everyone knew it, and I kept on repeating that to her. She deserves more than a guy who just can’t seem to forget his first love, and whenever I brought that up, she’d just hit me on the head.” _How selfless._ “I asked her, during the last moments of her life, if she was happy. She said, _‘Of course.’_ During her funeral, I prayed for her to be with someone who’d love her as much as she loved them in her next life.”

 

Silence.

 

“Are you happy, _harabeoji?_ ”

 

“In a way. I mean, I have a loving family; my daughter, then you and your sister. The fact that I’m still here with you, and not rotting away in some elderly home meant that I did something right. Right?” They laughed.

 

“Have you tried to find him again?”

 

“I’d rather not. He must be happy without me. I’m sure he’s happy.”

 

“But—”

 

He was cut off by the sound of a car parking outside their house. His parents enter the room, surprised to see his grandfather and him in such a close proximity. His mother didn’t mind her bewilderment and approached the two, “ _Appa_ , I have your medicines.”

 

“Huh? What medicines?”

 

 _Ah, here they are again._ It was as if his grandfather wasn’t recalling the memories of his past love just a few minutes ago.

 

His dad questioned him after about what they were talking about before. _‘He was telling me about an old… friend.’ ‘An old friend? You sure you weren’t dreaming? I doubt your grandfather’s memories would go that far.’_ Hyunjoon refused to argue.

 

(He brought it up again, but with his mother. Again, he got the same answer. _‘Hyunjoon, you know how your grandfather’s memory is. Ever since that day last year, it just kept on failing and failing. August 15, that damned day.’_ He was there when it happened. His grandfather just started screaming in pain out of nowhere. They all thought it was because of his head, as his grandfather was complaining about terrible headaches for the past weeks. What Hyunjoon noticed though, was how his grandfather was clutching his chest as well. He wondered why.)

 

Soonyoung’s name didn’t leave his head for days, which quickly turned to weeks. His grandfather didn’t mention anything about Soonyoung after that day, as if it didn’t even happen. Hyunjoon knew he didn’t dream about what happened, because the joy and pain in the old man’s voice was too real for it to be made up.

 

He tried his best searching for the Kwon Soonyoung his grandfather was talking about. He didn’t know what he looked like, except for the description his grandfather supplied _("He had these slanted eyes that made him look like a clock, and cheeks that made him look like a hamster. When he danced, he’d look like a tiger.")_  He was so close to giving up, because it looked like a lost cause. How can he find him? But then, he did.

 

It wasn’t a Facebook profile, nor any profile of what kind. It was a post, made by a supposed family member (since they also held the name ‘Kwon’).

 

 _‘Kwon Soonyoung,’_ it said.

 

 _‘A great friend, husband, dad, and grandfather,’_ it said.

 

‘ _You will be missed,’_ it said.

 

Soonyoung has already passed away, on the 15th of August, last year.


	2. interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> soonyoung’s unsent letter to jihoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> helloooo a sudden update bc i was bombarded with emotions lol i might write a chap for soonie’s side so look forward for it ! but here’s a quick thingie for u guys haha sorry it’s short aa

_Love,_

 

_I once imagined a future with you._

 

_I imagined Sunday mornings which would be filled with warmth. I’ll be waking up first, as it always was. We’ll be in our own home, and our bed would be carefully placed in our bedroom so that the light of the sun would fall prettily on your face. I’ll be filled with desire to live, just with seeing you sleep so peacefully beside me. You’ll be so unaware of the minutes I spend just by gazing at you with admiration and awe, as I’ll still be confused on how I deserved to be at your presence._

 

_I imagined road trips. We’ve always wanted to go exploring on our own, riding our own car. Even if it’ll just be the two of us, I know it’ll still be fun. Music won’t be absent in our journey, and I’m sure there’d be a time when we would be screaming on the top of our lungs, hearts and souls filled with joy and excitement. Once we get to our destination, you’ll start walking around, admiring the view and the sights, while I don’t waste time in securing our memories, with the camera I’ve been saving up for years. I’ll take pictures of your beautiful smile, your carefree actions, and just... you. For me, no scenery could compare to you._

 

_I imagined a wedding, filled with colors of white, yellow, and lilac. I’ll be wearing a black suit, while you’ll be wearing a white suit. (Have you seen yourself in white? You look more ethereal than you already are.) Petals are scattered along the aisle, while our family and friends walk on it with a smile. Then, you’ll be at the very end, with a big smile gracing your face. You’ll be as beautiful as you were on the day when I first met you, maybe even more. You’ll walk towards me, with our eyes just locked into each other. Time would slow down, as I watch you slowly approach me, completely opposite from how you came into my life, sudden and unexpected._

 

_You were one of the reasons why I continued to fight every day. I believed that after all these hardships and trials, I would have you by my side for life, and the next lives after that. God knows how excited I was for the future we had in front of us. But, things changed._

 

_Let it be known that I did everything to keep us alive. Let it be known that I fought for us, more than I should have. Let it be known that I loved you more than I loved myself, and I was willing to lose myself for you, and for us. You know that. You know what I sacrificed for us._

 

_But, how can I continue fighting when I can’t even feel my supposed partner-in-life fighting with me to overcome our problems? How can I, when I increasingly felt that I was becoming nothing to him? How can I, when he won’t even talk to me?_

 

_I did what I had to do to save whatever love I still have for myself, before I start becoming hysterical. I’m sorry, because I promised you that I would never leave you. Though, you also promised to never make me feel as if I was worthless, but here we are._

 

_Despite everything, I still love you. I don’t know when I won’t._

 

_Soonyoung_


End file.
